SCP- John Lockwood
Secure, Contain, Protect
Threat Level: 2
Classified Briefing
Item #: SCP-5646
Object Class: Lead Developer
Special Containment Procedure
Item SCP 5646 is never to be allowed further than 40 feet from a computer at any time. Computers act as an attention focusing device, causing SCP 5646 to focus intently on the device rather than on his surrounding environment. Failure to maintain this proximity causes SCP 5646 to rapidly mutate- frequently assuming forms it believes will be humorous to human observers such as "comedian."
Description
Item SCP-5646's primary form of nourishment is sound waves- particularly those vibrations pitched at the level of the humanoid laugh. As such, his exposure to humanoid laughs must be strictly controlled- allowed only during limited hours when not within 40 feet proximity to his laptop. Should SCP-5646 show signs of weakening during his "computer time" he may be given controlled dosages of humanoid laughs at regular intervals until any signs of weariness have been eliminated.
SCP-5646 was moved to Site- Strayos 24 in August of 2020. SCP-5646 initially sought to be recognized by the moniker "John" However it was decided not to be in the best interest of the Foundation to grant this demand. He was therefore given the label "Lockwood."
Due to the unknown nature of "Lockwood," it was determined that covert surveillance procedures would be necessary. Plain clothes operatives were planted in Lockwood's vacinity to observe his behaviors.
What follows is a record of his interactions with his handlers "Kim" and "Jon."
Addendum One- Kim Investigation Transcript
Foreward
Upon entering Site Strayos 24 I sit opposite "Lockwood" to best observe his daily behaviors. While focused intently on the computer he nonetheless manages to drink an extraordinary amount of tea- it being his favorite "computer time" beverage. He frequently engages in conservation with me, it is obvious he is attempting to elicit a laugh.
Interview Log
We engaged in the following discussion:
What interested you about Strayos? Why did you apply?
I thought they made interactive 3d maps of tunnels like in video games. The reality is better. 1
Where did you grow up? What do you love about it?
I grew up in buffalo. First local person in the office. I don't care about the bills or the sabres but don't try telling me that your city's pizza and wings are better.
How long have you been with Strayos? How has your role with us evolved?
5 months. I've gone from briefly being an independent full stack developer to running a small team.
If you were stuck on a deserted island, what 3 things would you bring? Why?
Food, water, and famous person so people keep looking for me
What has been your favorite part about working with Strayos?
There's free lunch on fridays.
Whats one thing you wish employees thinking about joining Strayos should know?
They will supply you with a laptop but we're still working getting new white board erasers.
If you were a vegetable, what vegetable would you be and why?
Unripened Potato, for the danger factor.
If working at Strayos was a movie, what would it's genre be?
Indy Sci-fi.
Whats on your wish list for the next 5 years of working at Strayos?
To build a product that dominates the industry.
Tell us something personal about you! What are your hobbies? Do you have any guilty pleasures? What inspires you? What's your superpower who's your hero? etc.
I'm a stand up comic (no really). Also I want to be batman but that's unrealistic. I'm probably just gonna have to settle for being iron man.
Researcher's Notes
- unbeknownst to Lockwood interactive 3dmaps of tunnels is well within Strayos' capabilities- it was decided to focus Lockwood on other objectives- for now.
- I believe it to be necessary to observe "Lockwood" outside of his "computer time" to further study his mutated form. Recommend a different agent engage with him at that time so as to preserve a clear "computer time"/"mutated form" separation.
Addendum Two- Jon Investigation Transcript
Foreward
I volunteered to observe SCP-5646 in his mutated form. It was decided between "Lockwood" and myself that we would go to a human gathering place likely to provide both a familiar/comfortable space for "Lockwood" to assume his mutated form and ample sound waves of the proper frequency.
What follows is Jon's recollection of his investigation into SCP-5646's time in his mutated form.
Log
We met at the bar, had a few drinks, had a few laughs. It was great!
Researcher's Notes
It was great!
Current Status:
Jon has been assigned to conduct this investigation multiple times, every time his report is exactly the same. When pressed he has difficulty remembering any details, yet seems unaware of his disturbing inability. He merely repeats "It was great."
Considering the results of Jon's attempted observations and ensuing mental blocks, it has been determined at this time to suspend covert observations of SCP-5646 in his mutated form.
Current Status: Update
Jon has vanished. We have been unable to find any evidence of Jon's current status or whereabouts.
